Immigration Service Recruitment Tragedy, Nigeria, Oscar Pistorius, President Goodluck Jonathan, Satire, Valdmir Putin

Jonathan’s Winning Strategies

The published photograph of the beloved Nigerian President, Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, kneeling down to greet the wizened mother of his predecessor in office, Umar Yar’adua, has no doubt caught wide public attention and reactions.
The posture of Jonathan poignantly stands out as this action, framed in the picture, was enacted in the midst of women including those who were reported to be Yar’adua’s sisters.
A number of observers have commented that the noble act was in keeping with the true character of Jonathan as a humble person from humble background who grew up without the privilege of having a pair of shoes to wear.
Some others, of course, the unrepentant detractors, have been reading all sorts of meanings into the gesture. The most virulent is that it was all about 2015 elections. They see it as a calculated gesture to win the hearts of a significant section of the electorate. They recall his similar gesture in the presence of a highly revered man of God during the previous election, which some believe clinched victory for him. They believe that Jonathan would do anything imaginable and unimaginable to win election. Gosh! How vile can a detractor be!
Some other negative school of thought view it as what they brand, we think wickedly, the President’s cluelessness about everything, not the list, official protocol, which his exalted office demands. To us, those who are touting this view are the clueless ones.
Jonathan’s USPs
We want to remind those who are touting the satanic view that Jonathan would do anything, fair or foul, to win election, to take another look at his numerous accomplishments and unique selling propositions which include: Improved electricity, unhindered fuel supply, effective security measures, peace and tranquility, far-reaching fight against corruption, perfect network of roads and a seamless transportation system all over. And above all, a great future for our youth in the face of high employment rate.
If you don’t believe that, just take a look at the photographs of those who attended the recruitment drive by the Nigerian Immigration Service in some states of the federation, during which dozens of lives were reportedly lost. During Jonathan’s tenure so far, the country has witnessed a lot of pleasant surprises, not tales of woes, disasters, deaths, and all kinds of bad luck, as some detractors would have us believe. Nigeria is indeed lucky to have Goodluck Jonathan in the saddle and would do well to have him for another term. Good luck Nigeria.

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Putin’s Pushfulness

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Remorseless and unrelenting, Russia’s strong man, Valdmir Putin is pushing ahead with his resolve to assert the Russian pride by reannexing Crimea. The consummate ex-KGB operative is playing the deft game of having the whole world teetered to his whims and caprices, and in awe as well as trepidation of what his next moves would be. Some believe so far he has beaten his arch rival, Barrack Obama, to a corner and rendered him a wimp, starting with the Syrian debacle. His detractors have branded him a psycho and another Hitler in the making. Well, what does it matter if a few thousands or even millions of lives have to be wasted for an Assad or a Putin to lord it over lesser mortals.

Pistorius Posture

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To project how sensitive and humane he truly is, the South African paraplegic sports icon, Oscar Pistorius, had disgorged in court dams of vomit while he was reacting to the sights and sounds of witnesses’ accounts of the mysterious murder of his ex-girlfriend. No, doubt, more of that emotion-laden posture will sway the hallowed bench in his favour.

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Abuja, Boko Haram, Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo, Gen. Sanni Abacha, Nigerian Heroes, President Goodluck Jonathan, Satire, The Centenary

The Centenary

The ongoing celebration of Nigeria’s centenary by the government of Nigeria under President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan has been generating much controversies. While the government and its ardent supporters see it as an anniversary totally worthy of celebration, the army of detractors have been up in arms pillorying our beloved president and his administration for rolling out the drums and painting the city of Abuja red in conviviality while some other parts of the country are dripping in the precious blood of innocent souls being bombed out of existence or murdered in cold blood through the most heinous methods that can ever be imagined by the invincible and invisible Boko Haram.
The ever implacable critics of our ever lucky chief of state have also denigrated the list of the centenary honourees, maliciously nitpicking about such choices as as that of erstwhile butcher, sorry for the slip, rather lord of Aso Rock, military strongman, Sanni Abacha, whom the government decided to honour for his economic wizardry.
And regarding the case of the scions of a number of post humous honourees rejecting the awards bestowed on their progenitors, we can only advise them to be more patriotic.
And for those who are accusing the government of exhibiting colonial mentality by celebrating a past that is best forgotten and honouring our ancient oppressors, we say they need to think a little smarter. Would they have had a country called Nigeria if not for the ingenuity of our selfless colonial masters?
Some might for ever choose to see it as a contraption based on the whimsical fancy of Lord Lugard and his imperial consort, and rather prefer to have their Benin, Kanem Bornu and Oyo Empires or Sokoto Caliphate still intact. Well, we wish them good luck. That phrase again!
And for those busy bodies who have singled out our venerable Baba Iyabo, the General of Generals and President of Presidents Olusegun Obasanjo for genuflecting most piously to his protege, Goodluck Jonathan, during the assemblage of the country’s still living chiefs of state during the centenary bash, we dare say they are seeing mischief where there is none. These mischief makers are telling Jonathan to be wary of the ides of the centenary, as Baba Iyabo is never to be taken at face value.

While we are still talking about the centenary affairs, we would like to have your comments on these. We would also like to have your own list of Nigerian personalities, living or dead, whom you think deserve to be honoured or dishonoured for their heroism or villainy.

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